sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
