if only i could text you this smell
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
