Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize