your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
