I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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