I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
