her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
