ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
