you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
