i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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