My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
