Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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