Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
