i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
