oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
