I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
