explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
