some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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