she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
