I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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