so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
