There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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