i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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