While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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