the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
