sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
