are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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