Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize