Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
