The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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