I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
