So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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