She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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