that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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