; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
