Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
