Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
