Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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