For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
