Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
