i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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