i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
