I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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