he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
