so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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