My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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