i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
