Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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