So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He felt like a one man threesome
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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