Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
