He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
