Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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