I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
