this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
