who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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