Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
