I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
