Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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