He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
